To You Mom

We have been living in the house since the day that we was born,

Those walls have seen us happy, of all the ways you cared for us,

You were a gift divine and made us grow up to be strong.

You were up all night with a screaming baby, you run all day at the speed of light and

Every day you feel a little bit less, like always the beautiful woman you are.

Those walls also had the front row seat to the breaking of my heart,

I thought the pain was here to stay, but forgiveness made a way.

I remember running down the hallway, playing hide and seek

I didn’t know that I was searching for someone to notice me.

I felt so alone and undiscovered, and now I am old enough to understand.

Just when I am supposed to be listening, I let you down so many times. 

I just keep counting the ways I have let you down,

But no matter how many times I messed things around,

You were always patient to hold me down

And you taught me the ways of dealing with that could have taken me down.

I have reached a stage in life where I am strong on my two own feet,

I now have only one thing left to do, that’s to fulfill all that you have seen me to be

While you struggled to get me through, I sometimes really wonder how?

You were there when we took our first steps, and went unsteadily across the floor.

You pushed and prodded: encouraged and guided, until our steps took us out the door,
You worry now Are they ok?, Is there more you could have done?
Where we are is where you have led us, with your special love you showed us a way,
To believe in ourselves and the decisions we make.

Taking on the challenge of life day-to-day, and where we go you can be sure,
In spirit you shall never be alone.

For where you are is what matters most to us, Because to us that will always be home...

Its all about forgiveness that makes you Human!

Link to the Official Song 

Feeling Nostalgic

It was Ash Wednesday, just another day for me, when i woke up , got ready for my class, sat in the car and drove away.  Never did i have a slight hint that this day would make me feel all so Nostalgic and connect to my past and cleanse me of all the wrong doings and the steps which i had trodden knowingly or unknowingly.

It was a moment after class , it wasnt me who decided to step into God's abode and spend a few minutes at peace. Education is what makes a person different from all the others. My parents had given me the best, and the school was a christian missionary school in the now hustling town of Hyderabad. I had learnt to respect, learnt to pray, learnt to give, learnt to be gentle and of all learnt to be the best a human can be. It was all uploaded into me (using more of a technical term) over the 10 years of education i had.

And this day, brought back to me all the memories which i had somewhere down there in my heart. It was an instant feeling to just step into the church and spend a few moments looking at him and it gave me a glimpse into the past i had lived in harmony and at peace. It created a bridge between the good past and the present i was walking on , which was broken down over the last few years and i never realized it.

But the feeling of being holy and blessed and the feeling of connecting to my past makes me  alive and even more stronger. It was a miracle that happened and made me to go in there and feel Nostalgic, and yet again the sweetness was there with me all through. When i think of how i went in, how i sat in peace and how it made me feel all nostalgic. Then realized you were there too and i smiled to myself. 

2000 days under the full moon

For some love is to be there and to do things, to praise them often and buy them costly things. For others it to do crazy things, to go places and get lost in a timeless embrace. But most often we forget the fact that love is always and has been forever timeless and unconditional. The moment you start weighing your options and you start thinking about alternatives, the moment you start weighing the pro’s and con’s of being with someone, pop goes the bubble and you are all drenched in ego and attitude.

I have seen and also experienced things as such and it is a very painstaking phase to go through, unless you have a strong will and a strong reason to be thinking of while you go through it alone. I have seen people taking things easy and moving on, I have also seen a few blocking themselves from the entire world. Friends are around and your family is always there to support you in every way, why not share it with them? Well most of us don’t, that’s again a phase where the ego strikes back. But how many of us have tried letting oneself go , setting the spirit free and just opening out with someone whom you trust the most,  or someone who makes you feel comfortable all through.  Guess most of us don’t.

Well this is about the 2000 days I spent under the full-moon and though it to be all heavenly and god sent. Hmmmmm not until I saw how frost-bitten one feels on a windy, cold night having to stare at the moon all along. It’s so easy to be deceived by how beautiful the moon looks until you start noticing it and you suddenly see the moon spots or the dark spots on it. This is about him, the friend I had written about and mentioned how he wanted to turn a new leaf and give his life a new portal to pass through and fresh waters to swim. He had let his life to take a turn and be churned enough and by the time he could notice the change, he had lost most of what he had cherished in life and the people those who were in his life. He was blindfolded to such an extent that he could not see beyond the dark veil covering his eyes. By the time he realized everything was over.

He then met a few good friends those who put some brain into him, and then he began to see life the way it was before to him. Not completely though, it was still foggy and he needed more friends than before, as he had lost quite a few. It was this intense battle he always fought with himself and he used to get messed up and taken down most of the time. N then one fine day, he felt blessed. He had got a friend who would listen to almost anything and everything he would want to say. N then things started to change, from bad to good, from stress to de-stress, from clouds to clear sky. The friend was indeed God sent is what he felt. He was so at peace with the world, he had changed completely and on asking he said this friend was so calm and composed and so mature in thoughts and actions. There was always something to the way he was given an assurance or a reply which had a really strong and long lasting impact. Apart from all these teeny weeny things, there was this charm to her and her ways of making things understand in relaity. Never had he known or he had ever opened up so much to anyone that he felt the burden over his shoulders lighten up and he had a very out of this world kind feeling.

With eyes deep and brown, when you look into them you just drown.

A smile so warm, you just melt even when she is angry and frowns.

A patient listener and the more you talk and share, life seems pretty fair.

No doubt the best things happen, when you least expect them to come in your way,

Every time I speak to you, a strange sense of excitement takes me over,

What’s it to you and your personality?, it really makes me wonder in every way.

Everything to you just makes you so perfect, or is it just me with that percept.

You are just so mystical and the more I interact the more I feel being healed,

The essence you carry about life, which you make me realize,

 It gets into me in a jiffy, and it makes me go all alive.

There’s a strange divinity that radiates from you, 

which just gets things going, for those who believe and trust in you.

Yet you never really open up with anyone, and I happened to be the lucky few, 

who got to know completely about you.

I am not sure if I share a special space in your life, 

but you will is what I am forever sure in my life.

I wish our friendship stays the same and grows older and better with time, just as wine.

N I am yet to discover and define the sense of feeling you invoke when not on my mind,

 but there is still time for me to make sense to what’s so divine.

You ended the pain and the agony I had, being under the full moon most of the times,

With me wondering where my life would get me to, during all those unsure times.

You are truly an angel sent from above, who set my life on the success path. :)

LIFE AS WE KNEW IT!

Well things have been going good. So far so good. My final semester's just begun, a pretty good reason to keep me busy and going with my classes, assignments, internship, part-time uffff!! I know its hectic. Well if you remember i had posted a few weeks ago about a friend and how he turned over a new leaf, leaving behind his past after the break up. So we finally got to meet up again after a month's time.

We went shopping to a mall and came across this Pakistani Guy, an elderly person i must say, somewhere in his mid 40's and he struck a conversation with us standing in line to get his shirts billed. He asked us about what we do and what our future was, and he then introduced himself as a painter from Pakistan; came to the USA and settled down a decade ago. He told us about the places he had worked and about the people he had worked for. He said Indians were very warm hearted and that they were very friendly, loving and caring despite the fact that he was from a country we have been fighting for years. He expressed his love toward's India and how he wished he could visit the country once. We then heard a voice say 38 dollars and 59 cents. It was his turn to pay and move on. So did we and while driving to find a place to eat, we pondered over what he had said, friendly, loving and caring. hmmmmmmm. Well a person, we did not know, or never even had a slight clue of his existence interacted with us and was sweet because we were Indian's was it?? Hmmm i don't think so, well maybe we were being too judgmental. 

We landed at an unreasonably hip restaurant, where we sat at the bar while we waited for our table. There was a girl sitting at the bar next to my friend, and she was grabbing some dinner after just getting off a shift at the restaurant next door and waiting for some coworkers to get off work. She initiated conversation and my friend and I instantly clicked with her, not just because she was a charismatic chick, but because there’s one thing that  girls can always connect over regardless how well they know each other: boys (and in some cases, how over them we are). I have always admired how without pouring out her soul to someone, a girl can use just the right words to express her frustrations with a guy, but have no idea how to answer a question as simple as, “Where should we grab dinner?” Well this was exactly what happened to us, thank God, we were given our table and we got to move away from her and escape from being eaten hungry, by her curses on her boyfriend.

Like those songs that can make you sad despite the fact that you were perfectly content before they came on. Like the dresses in your closet you’ve never worn and will probably never wear but make you feel like there’s hope that someday there’ll be an occasion to wear them to, hope that there’ll be a person to wear them alongside. Like the way pouring rain hits your shoulders harder than the rest of your body. There’s comfort in the things you know for certain, but more importantly, it’s in knowing things for certain where comfort is born.

I have always wondered and pondered, over the few intricate moments we spend in happiness when we grow up to be someone who could earn and support another person in whose hands we trust our entire future. Feelings, love, care, friendliness; aren't these all positive forms of what one feel's in spite of the high's and low's he has to go through his life and yet end up with a conclusion about what you might feel or understand about someone or a group of individuals. Humans are a weird race, you have what you always wanted, you have enjoyed what you have wanted to, yet the thirst can never be quenched, more than the positive things in life, we often run after things that we can never get to, we can never satisfy and neither can we make sense to after achieving it.

If things haven't made sense yet, well i mentioned about the Pakistani guy, because in spite of the wars we have been fighting with Pakistan, he as an individual had no complaints, no regrets and instead ended up praising us and complimenting us for what we were as a country. While this girl we met at the restaurant, kept complaining about how her boyfriend was a bore, he had lost his job, and she has to work overtime to support them both. But never did she peep into the past and look at one single moment which they have lived happily. When it comes to loosing out on luxuries and loosing out on things which entice us more than those who are responsible for having given them to us, we forget the relation, the value and the happiness in it even before that thing existed.

Maybe it’s because there’s something that satiates us about trying to explain something that we know isn’t really definable, but some of us just find comfort in trying to figure all of it out, even though all they want is a love that’s far from logical. Ironically, most of us crave a love that surpasses descriptions, that essentially cant be described, but use words and logic to get there…and then we wonder why haven’t found that love yet. So is everything to do with life. Not until can we make sense to the life we lived, we can never ever make sense to what we expect in future because that is the Life as we knew it. Adios.

A heart is all you need.

My previous posts had tremendous page views. It really inspires me to write more. :) Thanks once again. This is something i had in me for quiet sometime, and will try to make sense to what i have to say; because its really tough to explain something that you cant even understand yourself. I have had this in me for quiet sometime, but may be because of the happenings in the past or the fears and the nightmares they have been giving me, i never really realized this.For the first time i opened up to a friend of mine, a really sweet and sober person, who explained the ways of life and her words were so magical and mysterious that even now when i go through our interactions everything is just simple and plain knowledge, but one must feel it to believe it and absorbt it into you. I had a very good feeling pouring things out, because the only other person who had given me such a feeling was you Abhijeet( my buddy, by bro from my schooling). :)

 Things happen and you don't even realize until you pause, take time for yourself, share it with someone whom you trust the most and then the clouds clear and behold you see the Sun shining bright. A friend of mine confessed to me about her loving a colleague. Then we discussed about love and life and the same things that everybody knows. But what i then realized is that love had become too materialistic. There wasn't anything magical to it. It can be easily said that most humans crave love. People are born to give and receive love, and in fact, love is said to be the emotion responsible for most of the things that people do and say. And, unless you are one of those rare people who don’t feel anything at all, you can probably relate to needing the connection in your life, as well.

I watched the movie New Year's Eve which portrays love in a very different way. Love is loving your dad, your mom, your kith and kin. Love is also looking into the eyes of that someone who understand your look, who is always there to walk that extra mile and pamper you, sweet talk you, tease you, mock at you, be the shoulder to your worries and of all love you in spite of the negativity in you. Most people can easily relate to a sad romantic story that was supposed to last forever, but it didn’t, instead it ended badly. Most of us have experienced the same type of heartbreak others experience, at least once in our lives, if not more. So when a person hears about a tragic ending to a love story – or sees a sad love movie – they automatically makes a connection with the person, or actor, she/he most relates to in regard to their own experiences. This also helps a person see that broken hearts are common to most, and helps us realize we are not alone, we haven’t been singled out for punishment. Bad things happen to us all, we just have to keep moving on. Have hope that one day your story will have a happily ever after.

 I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into the room, look into your eyes and smile at you. Its a feeling not described in words or quantified or measured. It is something mysterious and magical. I do not know what time will hold for me or how things might turn out to be. I have experienced things so mysterious over the few months but never paused to give it a thought. But now when i ponder over the experiences which i have let pass, i wonder if it was for real, if it was meant to be and if everything that's happened has happened for a reason. I want to take my time, to understand this feeling, let it sink it, think from my heart, not with my mind. Let it free, to run wild, and experience this feeling. I have held it back enough, changed enough and sacrificed enough, but i do not regret, for what i did was by my own will , not destiny and what i shall pursue now is also by my own will. I chose to be the maverick always and shall always be one.

She makes me feel so wild and free, yet there is a dark side; I don’t want to be taken for a ride. I get so lost when I gaze into her eyes, i feel the sparks of fire, But is this love? Could she be the one for me? Only time shall tell me. Some where in the middle of those conversations, I Fell in Love with You. Being from strangers to friends, Then from gossip to sharing secrets, Don't know when I started liking You. From those arguments to fights, From those likes to dislikes. From laugh to cries, I did share many beautiful moments with You. Somewhere in the middle of those conversations, I Fell in Love with You!! And if it is really true, a heart is all that i need to tell you. :)

Thank You all!!

I have written a lot until recently and will keep doing so, would like to wish you all a very Happy New Year and thank you my brother, relatives, friends, acquaintances and all the others whom i haven't event known, for all the page views you have been giving me. Especially to the one's from India, Russia and Thailand. Will keep writing more.